13 Thoughtful Ways to Include Your Children As You Remarry

If you have children, making the decision to marry or remarry affects their lives as much as yours. Your wedding day is the perfect opportunity to help your kids make the transition into this new blended family, no matter what their age.

Make sure your kids feel included from the start by beginning long before the wedding day itself. Younger children might help you stuff and mail the invitations, while older kids could use their confidence on the computer to keep your guest list and RSVPs organized in a spreadsheet or creating your wedding programs.

Let your kids have a say in what they will wear to the rehearsal dinner and wedding – within reason, of course. If your child insists on wearing cowboy boots and a superhero costume every day of the week, this might be a challenge. But, if your child understands the level of formality you and your fiancé have chosen for the event and you express your enthusiasm over the color or style of clothing, go ahead and let your child loose within those limitations and encourage their creativity as far as accessories he or she might wear such as a miniature bouquet or boutonnière, headband or earrings, a pillow or some other way to carry the rings, etc.

There are numerous tasks that your kids can handle during the wedding and feel as though they are playing an important role.
1. Flower girl or ring bearer – Usually between the ages of 4 to 7.
2. Attendants — Junior bridesmaids or junior groomsmen are usually between the ages of 8 to 12, while older children may act as a maid or honor or best man.
3. Ushers to seat guests
4. Pass out something to the guests, whether it be the wedding programs, favors, bubbles or birdseed
5. Guest book or gift table duty
6. Roving photographer or videographer
7. Vocal or instrumental soloist
8. Read scripture or poetry during the ceremony
9. Add vows for you and your new spouse to express to the children during the ceremony.
10. Include the kids in lighting a unity candle or family candle, a prayer or a blessing during the wedding.
11. Present each child with a symbolic piece of jewelry such as a charm or medallion to represent your love and devotion during this time of growth and change.
12. Include your children in the first dance ritual at the reception by encouraging them to join you and your new spouse during the second verse or in a special song following your first dance.
13. Instead of a groom’s cake, let your kids choose the design and style of a cake for the reception.

What if your fiancé has children, but you don’t? Including his family in your wedding is still a great way to encourage a smooth transition into this new stage of your lives. This can be a little tricky depending on the atmosphere and any challenges that might exist such as whether you may have already met his kids and started to form a relationship with them prior to the wedding or if his ex harbors resentment toward your happiness. Discuss the possibilities with your husband-to-be in advance of the wedding, with plenty of time to discover the best way to ask the children to be involved.

If your children are grown and have families of their own, think about using some of these ideas to make sure your grandchildren feel included in your day.

How to Make a Smooth Transition From the Church to the Reception Hall

With the sacredness of the ceremony out of the way, the reception is the place where guests want to walk in and say, “Wow! Now we’re going to have fun. It’s time to celebrate!”

If you’re staying at the church for a while to finish taking photographs, don’t forget about your guests. They are already on the way to your reception site.

Considering the fact that guests tend to arrive for the wedding 30 minutes early, by the time the ceremony is over, they’ve invested quite a bit of time. Many have also traveled a distance to be there. Don’t rush through your photos before heading to the reception, but do be respectful of your guests.

Your coordinator, the reception site staff, or your attendants can help make sure the reception site’s tables are set up and the decorations are in place early the day of the wedding or the night before. Be sure to find out what time the band or DJ needs to set up, and make arrangements for someone to be there to let them in. If you’re using an off-site caterer and baker, you’ll need to make arrangements for someone to let them in as well, with plenty of time to set things up.

While they’re waiting for your grand entrance, your guests will be happy with light appetizers. Keep your guests there, having fun and satisfied. You don’t want guests thinking, “Well, I’m starving so I’m leaving.”

A coordinator can take care of the guests and prevent an awkward transition from ceremony to reception.  If you don’t have a coordinator, appoint someone to make sure that when people arrive at the reception, the music is playing, the bar is ready, the hors d’oeuvres are being served, and there is some sort of organization to it so people don’t arrive only to stand around waiting for the bride and groom to get there.

What’s the most important part of a reception? The visual impact is what people will remember.

Be creative with touches like lights, floating flowers or candles as centerpieces. Fresh flowers, candlelight and music add so much to a wedding, and they add ambiance to the reception site.

Another way to add ambiance is to rent a chocolate fountain. If the chocolate fountain is there, you’ve got a great party.  The chocolate fountain earns points for being visually appealing and also tops another important aspect of the reception – cuisine.

Food is one reason people come to a wedding, so don’t disappoint them.

There are lots of choices when it comes to food for your reception. Sit-down dinners tend to be most expensive since your caterer will need to hire more servers. Appetizers can be a less expensive choice, but not if they’re being served at meal time. Guests tend to fill up on them, making your per person price higher. When it comes to choosing between a buffet or hors d’oeuvres reception, it all depends on what you would like to serve. Often, a buffet can be the same price or less expensive than ordering finger foods.

To keep your guests happy, make plans to cut and serve the cake in a timely manner. Guests of all ages don’t want to leave before they enjoy a piece.

Is a Civil Ceremony Right For You?

Not all weddings take place in a church with a member of the clergy officiating.

You might choose to be married in a civil ceremony by someone with ties to the legal community such as a judge of various divisions of the local courts, justice of the peace, a retired judge or justice.

If a civil ceremony is something you’re considering, there are a few things you might want to know.

Why choose a civil ceremony?

A basic civil ceremony will not contain elements from any religion. This may be perfect for the couple who feels uncomfortable with the strict rules of a religious ceremony or is not at all religious. Perhaps the bride and groom come from different faiths, so rather than choosing one religion over the other, they may decide to go with a civil ceremony.

Civil ceremonies are often performed in a judge’s chambers at your local courthouse. If you simply aren’t interested in a fancy traditional wedding, or if you must stay within a very strict budget, this can be a huge money-saver. Compare the price tag of a wedding with all the trimmings to a civil ceremony, which can often be taken care of with as little as $100.

Another option for a civil ceremony would be to hire an officiant who is willing to travel to your location. With this option, you are no longer limited to a short service at the courthouse without family or friends. You can choose your location and have as many guests as you desire. Most churches require couples to be married by a member of that church’s ministerial staff which rules out the possibility of bringing a judge to perform your ceremony. But many other wedding venues don’t provide a specific person to officiate, which means you’re free to bring whomever you choose. As you look around for a wedding site, be sure to ask if they require you to use someone on staff or if you are free to bring your own officiant.

A civil ceremony is also a great option when you don’t want to deal with months and months of planning a wedding. It’s possible to be much more spontaneous, especially if you plan on a quick courthouse exchange of vows.

The simplicity of the civil ceremony appeals to many engaged couples. Usually, a courthouse ceremony will take just a few minutes to perform since many of the traditional and religious elements have been left out, such as the processional, giving the bride away, prayers and blessings, musical solos and the recessional. Of course, if your civil ceremony will take place elsewhere and you would like to incorporate special readings or any other more traditional elements of a wedding service, discuss your wishes with your officiant prior to your ceremony.

In most areas, the bride and groom will need to have two witnesses over age 18 there for the service and ready to sign the marriage certificate. Be sure to ask about this requirement when you call to get information and requirements where you live. Some localities might provide witnesses in the form of members of the judge’s staff, but it’s always a good idea to be sure of this before you arrive.

Don’t shy away from a celebration just because you chose a civil ceremony rather than the traditional. Many couples plan a reception, whether casual or formal, at some time following their wedding.

Backyard Weddings: Money-Saver or Money Pit?

The movie “Father of the Bride” featured an at-home wedding reception in the Banks family’s beautiful Colonial-style home, and it included the chaos of the wedding day with George confused about why all of their furniture had disappeared.

If you’re thinking of having your wedding or reception (or both) at home, you might be as frustrated as George when it comes time to foot the bill to strip your house down to a shell in order to make room for guests.

The idea of an at-home wedding may be charming. Whether your family has a mansion or a modest home, it’s possible to hold a tasteful event with proper planning. But it’s not as simple as planning your annual summer barbecue and throwing some tulle here and there.

If having your reception at home seems like a good way to slash your budget, think again. You might save the cost of renting the venue itself, but most families don’t have an inventory of things sitting around that you’ll soon discover you’ll need for the reception. For example, do you have enough tables to set out for your guests? How about linens, chairs, plates and silverware?  How about a tent large enough to cover your dance floor if it rains? How about the dance floor itself? At least most wedding venues are prepared to include these items, or at least make them available.

If you weigh the options and determine that an at-home wedding or reception is still your first choice, be sure to allow yourself plenty of planning time.

A few months before the wedding, take a good look at your yard. Does it need to have any holes or uneven spots taken care of so that your guests won’t twist an ankle and table legs will be level? How about planting grass seed to fill up those bald spots?

Sketch out a map of the yard, penciling in where you would like to set up the food stations, band or DJ, tables for your guests, the dance floor and cake table.

Investigate your options as far as keeping insects at bay. Remember some insect-repellant candles are heavily scented, which can be an unpleasant odor especially when placed near food, candles or fresh flowers. Don’t force the scents fight each other.

About a week before the wedding, get rid of clutter, trim limbs and shrubs, and mow the yard.

The day before the wedding, give everything another good look and straighten up anything last-minute such as stringing white Christmas lights along the fence, placing rented topiaries around the yard and set up tables.

Are you worried about a neighbor’s lawn mower drowning out your vows? The easiest way to take care of this potential problem is to invite those neighbors to your wedding.

When it’s time to visit a rental store, take the sketch of your yard, a firm headcount, and consider the items you will likely need to rent:
•    Dining tables and chairs
•    Tableware (place settings, flatware, glasses)
•    Table linens
•    Portable restrooms
•    Dance floor
•    Generator
•    Speakers
•    Lighting
•    Microphone
•    Tent
•    Chafing dishes with candles beneath (or some other way to keep serving dishes warm)

How Much Should You Pay the Person Who Performs Your Wedding Ceremony?

No matter who will foot the bill for your wedding, when you sit down to plan your budget, don’t forget to include an appropriate fee to the person who will perform the ceremony and pronounce you husband and wife.

Who has been granted the power to make your union legal? It may be a member of the clergy such as a preacher, priest, reverend, pastor, minister, rabbi or other holy man or holy woman. In some areas, tribal chiefs or other appropriate officials may perform Native American ceremonies. Or you might choose to be married by someone with ties to the legal community such as a judge of various divisions of the court, justice of the peace, a retired judge or justice.

Will your wedding take place at a church? Be sure to ask exactly what the church’s fee includes. Sometimes there will be a fee for renting the facility, possibly another fee for clean-up, and often these fees do not include the fee for the minister to officiate. Or there might be another package that, for a few hundred dollars more, will include the officiant.

How much should you expect to pay the officiant?

It depends on where you live and what is customary.

If you will have a simple civil ceremony performed at a courthouse, city hall or other location, you should anticipate paying $50 to $100.

A pastor or minister will expect to receive anywhere from $100 to $400 or possibly more, depending on the cost of living in your area.

How can you avoid the embarrassment of paying someone too little?

Ask around. If you have friends who were married recently, ask what they paid their officiant. Is your minister skirting around the issue or possibly telling you, “Oh, anything you decide to pay me is fine”? Check with the church secretary to see if she knows what is customary, ask someone on the church board, or seek the advice of the church wedding coordinator (if one is on staff).

Another way to check would be to visit bridal message boards and see if the topic has been discussed recently. If it hasn’t, post a new discussion thread to see what other brides are paying and make your decision based on their feedback.

Does your minister require you and your fiancé attend pre-marital counseling sessions before he or she agrees to perform the ceremony? If so, that is another reason to boost the amount of money you pay him or her.

Many officiants meet with the couple prior to the rehearsal to go over any customs, traditions and church rules. This would be the time to discuss the structure of the ceremony, any readings or songs you would like, and to set a time for the rehearsal.

Prior to your wedding day, your wedding coordinator will most likely collect checks from you, and then she will pay the appropriate vendors including the officiant, musicians, etc. If you are having a smaller wedding or you didn’t employ a professional coordinator, prepare an envelope in advance with your officiant’s payment inside, and give it to someone you trust with strict instructions. The best man or the bride’s father are two possibilities for taking care of this task. The designated person will then pass the envelope to your officiant at the appropriate time, which could be at the rehearsal or right before the wedding. Any time is fine, as long as you remember to take care of it. A firm handshake and a “thank you” are all that is needed to ease the nerves of whoever will take care of this task on your behalf.

Following the wedding, your officiant will be responsible for signing the marriage certificate and returning it to the appropriate government office to be filed by a specified deadline.

As with any other professional, the person performing your wedding ceremony is providing a service. You’re not just paying for his or her time. You are also paying for their years of education, knowledge and experience, just like you would be expected to pay for any other professional.