With more than 50 percent of today’s marriages involving a bride or groom who have been married before, social attitudes regarding what’s appropriate in the wedding ceremony have evolved over the years.
In the past, it was common to keep a remarriage quiet. Since a previous marriage had to have failed in order for this new couple to be ready to wed, that failure often overshadowed the joy of finding love again.
Attitudes have changed so much, in fact, that the word “remarriage” is rarely used today. In the past, couples quietly stated that they were going to remarry. Today, the couple happily announces their intentions to marry without the prefix of “re,” indicating that they are going into the union with an attitude of making this union its own being rather than a repeat event.
Second weddings (or even third weddings, for that matter) now range from quiet ceremonies in a chapel or courtroom to celebrations with as much pomp as many first-time weddings.
However, some feel it’s necessary to hold on to at least a few traditions and customs. Etiquette, after all, still exists and rare is the wedding that goes off without a hitch. Knowing how to handle any dilemmas that might pop up is wise for all brides.
Second-time couples are usually older and wiser than their first-time counterparts. More of the ceremony, reception and honeymoon decisions will be theirs, since they are often paying for everything, rather than those decisions lying with family members who are footing the bill.
Sophistication is often the name of the game with today’s remarrying couples. Along with becoming older and wiser, the couple has a better idea of who they are, both individually and as a couple. Let that confidence show in the tasteful, classic choices that you make rather than being swayed by ultra-trendy (or even downright tacky) choices made by younger couples. As an example, an older bride knows her body and has a sense of style. She’ll be less tempted to choose a type of gown that will guarantee her wedding photos will be forwarded in emails that result in gasps or laughter.
Most second weddings are less formal than a first wedding, but that doesn’t mean they are less lovely. While a large, hoop skirt with long train and seven bridesmaids reeks of first-time, fairytale bride, an encore bride might take advantage of her confidence by wearing something that announces her sophistication and maturity. One attendant is more appropriate than your entire pack of sorority sisters, as well.
The guest list for an encore ceremony can still include all of your extended family and everyone you’ve ever met. However, most couples prefer to scale things down a bit and concentrate on inviting those who would be considered the most important people in your lives.
Children from your previous marriages, of course, will attend this wedding. If they’re old enough to stand up for you as a legal witness, and if that’s what you desire, by all means go ahead with this plan. If your children are too young to be witnesses, there’s no reason for them to sit in the audience and watch. They can still stand up with you, as bridesmaids and groomsmen, junior bridesmaids or groomsmen, or they can stand with you for a special ceremony to bless your new family unit.
Will you be given away at your second wedding? Some say this tradition would be awkward since the one who would need to give the bride to her new spouse, at this point, would be her former spouse. However, there is a school of thought that frowns up on this theory since it would imply the antiquated view that the woman bounced from being under the wing of her father, to her first husband, and now to her second husband. With women being more independent these days and making their own way in the world, it’s her choice whether she’ll be given away.
March down the aisle on your own, have your father or step-father accompany you, or have your oldest child walk you down the aisle.
Most brides are so absorbed with wedding-planning tasks that it’s asking too much of them to think beyond the honeymoon, let alone a year later. How they might celebrate their first wedding anniversary may not be on her mind, but one romantic tradition has endured over the years – saving the top tier of the wedding cake.
The long-standing tradition of the happy enjoying their wedding cake on their first anniversary is an easy process, but it will need to be included on the bride’s to-do list or delegated to someone trustworthy.
When followed through, step-by-step, the top tier will remain fresh and tasty for you to celebrate one year of wedded bliss.
1. As the reception draws to a close, it’s time to remove any ornaments, such as a cake topper or flowers, from the top layer.
2. Check the bottom of the layer. To keep any odd flavors from seeping into the cake while it is in the freezer, make sure the layer is set on a plastic plate or a cake board wrapped in foil.
3. Now it’s time to firm up the icing by placing the layer in the freezer for anywhere from 30 minutes to a couple of hours. Do not wrap the cake with plastic wrap at this stage of freezing, or you will end up with plastic wrap frozen to the cake.
4. Remove the cake from the freezer. Using plastic wrap, cover the cake completely. In order to avoid freezer burn, make sure it is airtight and that there are no bubbles of air between the cake and the plastic wrap. Any air left between the cake and plastic wrap could zap moisture from the cake itself. Be sure to cover the cake three or four times, checking for air bubbles as you go.
5. Cover the cake in foil.
6. As an extra precaution, at this point you might want to slide the cake into a large zip-lock freezer bag, remove all air, seal it, and then slide this into a second zip-lock freezer bag and seal.
7. Place the wrapped cake in a small bakery box in order to protect it from other items in the freezer. Cake boxes are easily found at bakeries or arts and crafts stores that sell cake decorating equipment.
8. At this point, you are ready to place the box in the freezer. However, let me suggest taking your duties a few steps further in an effort to have an even fresher cake in one year. Now that the cake is in its box, get out the plastic wrap and, this time, wrap the box itself with several layers of plastic wrap. Cover with foil or place in another zip-lock freezer bag.
9. Place the box deep within a non-defrosting freezer where it will remain for the year. If the freezer self-defrosts, your cake will be ruined.
Don’t move the cake from one freezer to another during this year. It’s best to leave the cake deep within the freezer to avoid the possibility of allowing it to partially thaw while in transit. If the bride and groom have not yet settled into their first home or plan to move around during this year, it may be best to leave the cake in the freezer of a close friend or loved one with no plans to move, and then retrieve the cake from that person the day before the one-year anniversary.
Remember to begin the freezing process as soon as possible following the reception. You’ll have much better results – and a fresher cake on your anniversary – if the wedding cake is frozen while it is still as fresh as possible.
Unfortunately, if your cake has a crème filling, freezing it is not recommended.
One day before your one-year anniversary, you’ll need to begin defrosting the cake by moving it from the freezer to the refrigerator. After two or three hours in the refrigerator, unwrap the cake and allow it to continue defrosting in the refrigerator.
Two hours before you plan to serve the cake, take it out of the refrigerator and allow it to come to room temperature.
As much as we try to make sure an event as important as a wedding goes off without a hitch, it sure pays to be ready for anything.
Whether you are the bride or a bridesmaid, consider tossing a few things into a tote bag or basket to disaster-proof the day. It will save time because no one will need to make a last-minute trip from the church to a store, and it will definitely relieve stress to know that these handy items are within reach.
Start out small, picking up a few things from the list here and there while you’re out, and it won’t seem so overwhelming (or as expensive). But, rest assured, all of these suggestions will eventually be used since they are common, everyday items.
What should you stock up on for the emergency kit?
• Straws (so you can have a drink without messing up your lipstick or spilling all over your dress)
• Insect repellent (for outdoor weddings or receptions – be sure to test its scent prior to the event so you don’t end up smelling like the great outdoors)
• White chalk (to hide stains)
• clear nail polish (to repair a manicure or run in pantyhose)
• instant stain remover (such as a Tide pen)
• safety pins
• nail file or emery board
• miniature sewing kit
• fabric tape
• scissors
• breath mints
• tampons and pads
• pain reliever
• dental floss
• tweezers
• comb/brush
• hair spray
• hair pins/bobby pins
• antacid
• crackers (in case someone forgets to eat)
• batteries (in case digital cameras run out of juice)
• ink pen (for when it’s time to sign the marriage license)
• a list of phone numbers for all of your wedding vendors and your attendants
• contact lens solution
• duct tape
• scotch tape
• dark socks (in case you have any forgetful groomsmen)
• extra car keys
Another handy item to have on hand (but it won’t fit in the emergency kit) would be a barstool without a back or sides. Once you’ve dressed the bride, she’s bound to want to sit down before the ceremony begins, but if she sits in a regular chair, she’ll risk wrinkling.
Keep the emergency kit handy throughout the day. The worst possible thing would be to suddenly need something in the kit, realize you didn’t bring it into the church with you as the bridesmaids are getting ready, and have to send someone to dig through your car to find it.
You’ve dreamed of it since you were a little girl, so don’t let the stress of planning your wedding turn it into a nightmare.
What’s the best way to ease the burden? Hire a professional wedding planner. Considering the time they’ll save and the fact that they have connections all over your city, they’re worth it.
If the money simply isn’t there for a wedding planner or you’re an avid do-it-yourselfer, lists are the best way to stay organized. Use a planning guide and keep it updated. Get your attendants involved – after all, your maid of honor and bridesmaids are there to help you, not just to look gorgeous on the big day.
Today’s ceremonies are more creative than the cookie cutter weddings of the past. These days, it’s all about what you want, what you have always envisioned, and it’s a reflection of your personality. To get all those elements in, it becomes a lot more challenging than it used to be, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be a fun, creative process.
Modern couples want to incorporate creative touches to their ceremonies. Along with the ever-popular unity candle, many couples are adding candles honoring parents or grandparents who have passed away.
Some couples include the signing of the marriage license during the service. When the couple moves to light the unity candle, they often place the marriage license on the same table, and their attendants join them to sign.
Communion, traditionally held in Catholic weddings, is becoming popular even in Protestant services.
Programs have become a must for today’s weddings. Trimmed with gorgeous ribbons, printed on handmade papers, scrapbook paper or vellum, created on their own computers or done by professionals, these days brides place a high priority on the programs. They’re a nice touch to help guests feel like they’re part of the day by letting them know that your maid of honor has been your best friend since elementary school, share a brief version of how you and your fiancé met, and to announce your new mailing address.
Another important role that the program plays is to let everyone know the order the ceremony will follow. Will it be a religious ceremony, a non-denominational ceremony, a blend of more than one faith, or a civil ceremony? Protestant ceremonies are traditionally fairly short, while a Catholic wedding mass often lasts from 45 minutes to an hour. Letting the guests know what to expect helps them feel more at ease, and they’ll have a better idea of when to sit and when to stand.
Will there be any special music, readings from scripture, or poetry?
You might choose to honor your heritage or family traditions during the ceremony, have a friend serve as your officiant, or choose a four-legged friend as ring bearer. Some denominations, such as Catholics and Episcopalians, require certain portions of the ceremony to be repeated, while other denominations may allow couples to write their own vows from beginning to end.
What type of plans should you make for decorating the church?
When it comes to classic elegance for the ceremony, less is more. The ceremony in itself should be beautiful, meaningful, solemn but celebratory, whether it’s a religious ceremony or a civil ceremony. Let the people, the personalities and the ceremony be the beautiful part of the wedding, and put your money into your reception where people are going to spend the most time. Have beautiful dresses and bouquets, of course, but let the wedding party and the church be the décor.
Nerves can run high when love is in the air.
What do the experts suggest to stay calm and bask in the spotlight?
Have everything ready to go at least one week prior – a precise schedule of the day’s events including what time wedding party members should arrive at the church, a practice session applying your new makeup shades, an emergency kit with essentials (needle, thread, pantyhose, makeup, aspirin, tampons, contact lens solution, telephone numbers to reach all of your wedding vendors). Don’t wait until the last minute to get anything waxed, plucked, colored, permed or straightened.
Delegate! Bridesmaids aren’t just eye candy. Make them earn that poufy dress. Traditionally, it’s the maid of honor’s job to act as the bride’s right arm. She should make sure the bride gets to bed early the night before, drinks plenty of water all day so she doesn’t dehydrate, and help the bride slip her into her gown. Don’t forget — one of the most important duties of the MOH is to make sure the bride eats a light breakfast to avoid nuptial nausea.
Brides spend so much time planning the perfect day that they often have trouble relaxing and letting go when it finally arrives. You’ve dreamed of this day for years, so enjoy it. Don’t micromanage every detail.
Trusting a wedding coordinator to handle the fine details can help the day run as smoothly as possible. They’re more affordable than you might think, especially when you consider the time they’ll save and the stress they’ll prevent. If a pro is out of your budget, ask a friend or relative to act as coordinator. It needs to be someone other than the bride’s mother so she can enjoy the day, as well.
The day wouldn’t be complete without one or two little mishaps. What if your flower girl’s little sister trots behind her, diligently picking up petals as fast as they fall? What if the best man drops your carats, sending guests hunting beneath pews? Or you both get the giggles? Enjoy it! Remind yourself these are the moments that will bring smiles to your grandkids’ faces someday, when they ask to hear the fairy tale story of your wedding day.
What’s the best way to conquer the jitters?
Apprehension turns to adoration with a simple solution that’s growing in popularity. When the couple is dressed and ready to go (but the guests haven’t begun to arrive), have someone park the groom in the chapel, while someone else fluff the bride’s train, and then instruct him to turn and greet his bride. Close the door, leaving the two to spend a few minutes together before the guests arrive.
This private time before the ceremony gives the couple a chance to calm their nerves, leaving them free to enjoy the day more deeply.
One memorable (and macho) groom resisted at first, but agreed to meet his bride before the ceremony. Following 10 minutes with his bride-to-be, he was unashamed of his tears. “It’s such a private moment. Why would I want to share that with 400 people?” he said.
Worried it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony?
“It’s not about luck,” Macho Groom said, dabbing more tears. “It’s about faith.”
Before you choose a gown or decide on a menu, there’s one task that you must begin as soon as possible. A well-thought out guest list can save time and money as you plan your wedding.
Many prenuptial arrangements can’t be made and checks can’t be written until you’ve prepared a meticulous guest list. Invitations, postage and deposits for ceremony and reception sites, caterer, baker and rental of tables, chairs, linens and place settings all hinge on the length of your guest list.
Get started on your guest list as soon as the diamond goes on your finger, and refer to it often as the weeks progress.
Start with a mini file box full of index cards or create a spreadsheet. Either way, you’ll be set to stay organized as you receive RSVPs and gifts. Keeping track of the thank you notes you’ve sent will be a breeze if you make notes as you go, plus your efforts will provide a head start on future Christmas card and baby announcement lists.
Keep track of the guests’ names, address, phone number, email address, and number of guests for that address. As they RSVP, everything you need to know will be at your fingertips.
Ready to begin your guest list? It’s easy as A-B-C! An A-B-C list, that is.
The A list is family, the B list is long-term friends of five years or more, and the C list is people you’d like to invite if your budget allows.
As you get along in the planning and it looks like you can only afford 75, cut it at the B list and leave it at that. Move on. Or, as you receive regrets from people on your A and B lists, begin sending invitations to those at the top of your C list. If you’ve planned ahead and mailed your A and B invitations early enough, your C list invitations will arrive in mailboxes with time to spare – and your C list people won’t even realize they were on the C list at all.
How many guests do you anticipate from your side of the family vs. your fiancé and his family? Start out on your road toward marital bliss by deciding early on how you’ll divide the invitations. Should your family send out half and his family the other half? Or maybe you’ll divide the stack of invitations into fourths, keeping a portion for yourself and giving the rest to your fiancé, your parents, and his parents.
How many guests should you expect? Each invitation usually represents two people. However, that doesn’t mean 200 invitations will yield a crowd of 400. Most brides end up with fewer guests than originally expected. There will always be a few guests who send an RSVP but don’t attend for whatever reason.
Will children be welcome at your wedding, or had you hoped for an adults-only affair? The best time to make this decision is while honing your guest list – not when your distant cousin with screaming triplets shows up at the ceremony.
The best way to let guests know whether kids are invited is by writing on the invitation’s inner envelope only the names of those who are invited. Instead of “John, Mary and family,” write “John and Mary.” Whatever you do, don’t state, “No children, please” on the invitation or the envelope.
To make sure certain guests are in attendance, send save-the-date cards. They’ve gained popularity in recent years, and are an especially thoughtful way to provide out-of-town guests plenty of time to schedule time off work and make travel arrangements.
Feeling pressured to invite your entire company? Invite immediate co-workers and those you interact with each day. Others will understand. If necessary, pass the word that the hall only holds so many people.
Bottom line, invite those who will be honored to attend and will consider it a compliment to be part of your day.
When it comes to saving money on your wedding, there are plenty of ways to cut costs without compromising your sense of style.
Make your own invitations. Office supply stores have wedding invitation paper that will shoot through your computer’s printer and look fabulous for a fraction of the cost of engraved invites. Your favorite scrapbook store’s paper selection
Buy simple dinner napkins in bulk at a wholesale club or party store. No one will care if the napkins aren’t stamped with your names, the date and swirly hearts.
Pass on the trend of setting disposable cameras on each table at the reception. The cameras aren’t cheap and the development costs multiply quickly. A better bet is to ask your photographer to get candid shots of each table.
Instead of buying new ones and having them engraved, borrow toasting glasses and knives for your cake cutting ceremony from you parents or another relative. Plus it will add a touch of sentimentality to the day knowing you’re using the same set as Mom and Dad.
If a poufy wedding dress just isn’t your style, browse through the selection of bridesmaid gowns. Find a flattering style, order it in white or ivory, and you’ve just slashed several hundred dollars from the bill.
Get more duty out of your flowers. Order floral arrangements for the tables at the rehearsal dinner, and then place them on the tables at your reception site. After the ceremony, set the bridesmaids’ flowers along the front of the head table at the reception.
Instead of having a limo at your beck and call, skip it altogether. Or order the limo for the minimum time allowed, which is usually two hours. With a little planning, you’ll have the limo and driver long enough to deliver the bride to the church, and get great photos as you leave the church and arrive at the reception.
Take things down a notch. Choose smaller and unique bouquets rather than elaborate ones. Bridesmaids might carry a few striking stems rather than a bouquet. The impact can be stunning.
One way to stay within your budget is to shut the bar down when dinner starts. Or eliminate the bar and have just enough champagne for everyone to toast when it’s time to cut the cake.
Many couples are choosing to forego alcohol altogether, for religious reasons, to keep costs down, or because they prefer to avoid any liability issues of guests drinking too much at the reception.
Another alternative, albeit a controversial one, is to open a cash bar, although many feel strongly about this option. Why would you invite friends and loved ones to an elegant wedding reception and then ask your guests to pay for their own drinks? You’re throwing a party. Either throw it or don’t.
A gorgeous wedding cake can make a great focal point. But large cakes are expensive, and you may not have enough guests to eat it all. Why not rent an artificial cake? Some bakeries offer elaborate faux cakes. Just imagine the feast for the eyes created by a four-and-a-half-foot tall cake. Your bakery can prepare enough layers of real cake to feed the crowd at the reception so that the couple can have the traditional cake-cutting ceremony after dinner. None of the guests will realize part of the cake wasn’t real.
With a little creativity and shopping in the right places, you’ll be pleased with the results and stay within your budget.
Weddings come in all shapes, sizes and price tags. If you’re just getting started with planning your dream day, you’re probably curious about the type of wedding you’d like to have and how much it will cost.
For a wedding with three bridesmaids, three groomsmen, and a buffet for about 100 guests, wedding coordinators estimate that you’ll spend $6,000 to $10,000.
But the average wedding has a few more guests than that. Estimate a formal affair with 200 guests and heavy hors d’oeuvres costing as much as $12,000 to $15,000.
Why the big range between dollar signs? There are so many choices, and they run the budget gamut. Not only are there many types of flowers to choose from, but also the size and style of the bouquets, how labor-intensive they are, and whether you choose out-of-season flowers that must be special ordered or seasonal blooms that are plentiful and less costly.
It’s not easy to pin down a price on a cake either. How many people will it serve? How elaborate? Buttercream frosting or rolled fondant? Would you like a fruit filling? All of these choices can lead to bigger checks being written.
With our seemingly endless fascination with celebrity lifestyles, the bar has been raised and people’s expectations have become a lot higher.
A nice wedding can be put together for far less than the celebrities spend. If you want to, you can get married for $15,000, for $1,000, or even for less. It depends on what your expectations are and what kind of reception you want.
The reception, often the biggest expense, can be controlled by the time of day you choose. Which would you prefer — a morning wedding with a brunch reception or an afternoon wedding with light finger foods? For an evening wedding, will you choose heavy hors d’oeuvres, a buffet or a sit-down dinner?
One of the more popular options is to choose heavy hors d’oeuvres, but sometimes that can be more expensive than a served meal. The reason? You’re paying for more items and paying by the piece.
If you want to cut expenses on your food, the time of day you plan your reception is a big factor. The cheapest time of day is the middle of the afternoon. That’s not a time people are usually hungry, so they’ll eat less, and you can get away with serving less food.
Looking for other ways to cut costs?
Be creative and put your personality into it. Be creative in your thinking and pick one area of your wedding to really, really shine.
Keep in mind it’s possible to create a beautiful occasion no matter what you can afford. It’s smart to avoid going into debt for your wedding. You should not still be paying on your wedding when you start paying the hospital bills for having your first child.
Whether you spend $1,500 or $30,000, you’ll still be just as married.
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