If some of your wedding invitations were mailed out of town or even out of state, chances are you’ll welcome guests who will have traveled by air or via a long car trip.
Considering the fact that these guests have already invested a good deal of time and money to attend your wedding, you’ll want to make an extra effort to make them feel truly welcome and appreciated.
MAPS
A great way to help everyone, whether they’ve been there before or not, is to include a tastefully done map when you send your invitations. Don’t assume that all of your guests have been to your area before. Include the sites of the ceremony, reception and hotels where they might stay, along with the quickest routes from the airport and the main highways. Even if someone is a repeat visitor, they’ll appreciate the guidance, especially if it’s been a while or your town has experienced growth since they last visited.
Paying for your out-of-town guests’ lodging is not your responsibility, but it is customary for you to negotiate rates and secure a block of rooms for guests at a convenient hotel. Include contact information for the hotel in the invitation packets for out-of-town guests, along with car rental options,
ITINERARY
After the invitations have been sent, it’s time to prepare an itinerary for your guests. This is your opportunity to let everyone know about your plans, which is particularly helpful for weekend-long weddings or destination weddings.
Your itinerary can be a clever packet of information sent via snail mail, or a detailed web site or blog for guests to visit and learn what is to be expected.
Be sure to include all of the events preceding and following the ceremony. If guests might have a bit of free time here and there, include interesting things to see and do in your area.
For those who will be essential to the ceremony itself, such as your attendants, relatives, and anyone who will be invited to the rehearsal dinner, it’s a good idea to tuck extra information into their packet before sending it off. Include details on the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, along with directions and whether dress will be casual or formal. If you’ll be sending a car for your bridesmaids, let them know. Or if close relatives will be invited to a special brunch at your parents’ home or future-in-laws’ home, be sure to include that information, as well.
HOTEL
Little surprises left for your guests in their hotel rooms will reinforce the fact that you appreciate their making the trip. A small gift basket with locally produced wine, fruit, flowers, or even homemade cookies or brownies will be a welcome treat.
Another copy of the itinerary will be handy, along with a list of phone numbers to reach families of the bride and groom. Encourage your guests to mingle by including the names and room numbers of additional guests staying at the same hotel.
RECEPTION
Take every opportunity possible to let all of your guests know how much their presence means to you. A few sincere comments from you and your parents during the receiving line will mean so much to guests who have traveled to share your day. Your out-of-town guests will appreciate being acknowledged with a toast from the bride and groom during the reception, just to let everyone know how much their journey has meant to you.
THANK YOU NOTES
When it’s time to send out notes to thank everyone for their gifts to you and your new spouse, don’t forget to thank them for attending your wedding, in particular if they took time off from work and traveled to be there.
It may seem like a bit of work for you to put the plans in motion to make your guests feel at home, but with a little help from your attendants it shouldn’t take much time at all to assemble everything. There’s nothing worse than taking time off from work, spending your hard-earned cash, and staying in a hotel, only to be ignored by the very people who invited you to take this journey. Don’t let your guests leave your wedding feeling that way.
Having a wedding reception without alcoholic beverages can be a priority for some couples for many reasons.
Someone close to the couple is a recovering alcoholic. A friend or relative has been hurt or even killed by a drunken driver. The bride and groom simply aren’t drinkers or they frown on drinking for religious reasons.
The wedding or reception site doesn’t allow alcohol on the premises. The families don’t want to deal with possibility of someone being hurt or killed following the reception, and the couple wouldn’t want their wedding date to forever commemorate such a tragedy.
Maybe the wedding budget simply can’t handle the added expense of serving alcohol.
Whatever the reason, it is totally acceptable to hold an alcohol-free wedding reception.
One of the most common questions asked by couples when planning a non-alcoholic reception is how to let their guests know. When sending out your invitations, don’t feel obligated to include the fact that alcohol won’t be served. Your guests will realize, once they arrive at the reception, that alcohol isn’t part of the celebration.
This won’t be a big deal for the majority of your guests. Simply have plenty of other beverages to serve before, with and after the meal.
Sparkling juice or cider is often used when it’s time for toasts. Iced tea and water are standard options to serve with the meal. Coffee, of course, can be served with the meal and following the meal.
Today’s couples are opting for creative beverages as well, including parlaying their love of java into a coffee or espresso bar. How about providing a station to whip up their favorite fruit smoothies or childhood favorites such as hot cocoa or milkshakes?
If you like the trend of having a signature cocktail for your reception, but want to skip alcohol, there’s no need to feel deprived. Serve mocktails instead of cocktails. Search online or in books for non-alcoholic drinks, choose your favorite, and give it a fun name to reflect the theme of your wedding.
What makes a good mocktail? It’s not as easy as following the recipe for a cocktail minus the alcohol. In fact, if you merely delete the alcohol from a cocktail recipe, odds are your guests will leave the event with an odd taste in their mouths due to the balance of flavors being off. Your best bet is to search specifically for mocktail recipes rather than making adjustments to a cocktail recipe.
The simplest of wedding receptions would be the cake-and-punch reception, which often includes mints and nuts. Many cake-and-punch receptions also include light appetizers such as a deli platter, tea sandwiches, and a vegetable tray. If this is the type of reception you’re planning, alcohol won’t be missed at all.
RASPBERRY LEMONADE
Not too sweet and very quenching. Serves 36.
2 (12 fluid ounce) cans frozen raspberry lemonade concentrate
6 cups water
1-1/2 teaspoons lime juice
2 (12 fluid ounce) cans or bottles lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage
2 cups crushed ice
2 cups fresh raspberries, garnish
Combine raspberry lemonade concentrate, water and lime juice in a large punchbowl. Stir in lemon-lime soda and crushed ice. Garnish each glass with a fresh raspberry.
FAUX CHAMPAGNE
For a hint of fruity flavor, use strawberry flavored carbonated water. Serves 15.
5-1/2 cups carbonated water, chilled
5-1/2 cups ginger ale
4 cups and 2 tablespoons unsweetened white grape juice
Refrigerate club soda, ginger ale and grape juice overnight. In a large punchbowl or pitcher, combine club soda, ginger ale and grape juice. Serve immediately over ice.
When it’s time for toasts to be made during a wedding reception, it can be a time of great emotion, humor, or even embarrassment.
If your wedding reception falls along the straight-and-narrow lines of being ultra-traditional, wedding toasts are expected to go in a certain order. In a more contemporary wedding, you can make your own rules.
These days, it can get pretty confusing to try and plan who toasts whom and who goes first. Even if you make meticulous plans, will someone throw you off by offering an impromptu toast? Will someone tell a story or two that you really wish they would keep quiet about?
TRADITIONAL
Traditionally, the father of the bride is the first to offer a toast. He welcomes everyone to the reception since often he and the bride’s mother are hosting the event. The father of the bride toasts his daughter.
1. Next, the groom toasts his new wife.
2. Finally, the best man toasts the new Mr. and Mrs.
3. Following the best man’s toast, it’s time for the meal to begin.
CONTEMPORARY
If the traditional order of toasts doesn’t please you, or if you’ve got more family and friends who would like to speak, perhaps you would be more comfortable with something along these lines.
1. First, the best man toasts the groom.
2. Next, the maid of honor toasts the bride.
3. The father of the groom toasts the bride
4. The father of the bride toasts the groom.
5. The bride offers a toast.
6. The groom completes the toasting ceremony.
OPEN MIC
If you’d like for your guests to feel welcome to come forward and speak during your reception, an open microphone is one way to go. It lets guests know that you’re ready o hear what they have to say, whether it’s an impromptu toast or a story from your college days.
Be aware, however, that you will have no control over what guests might say, which could be a source of stress if alcohol flows freely or if your spouse’s college roommates haven’t quite learned tact yet.
Some wedding professionals warn against having an open mic, out of respect for the guests. Once the traditional toasts have been taken care of, guests are often tired of sitting in one spot, listening, and taking a sip. Also, the flow of the event may be compromised by an open mic, with both the meal and dancing interrupted repeatedly.
Today’s brides and bridesmaids may face a wedding-day challenge that their mothers and grandmothers weren’t able to solve simply with something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue. With the popularity of tattoos, some brides and their bridesmaids must decide what – if anything – they’ll do with their body art as they get dressed to walk down the aisle.
There is no need to panic or look into something as drastic as tattoo removal. Instead, you might consider letting them shine, covering them up or camouflaging your tattoos.
LEAVE THEM ON DISPLAY
Do you feel strongly about your tattoo and what it represents? If you consider your body art to be a beautiful part of you rather than a memory of a drunken mistake that you try to hide, then you probably aren’t interested in covering them up on your wedding day.
If your tattoos mean that much to you, chances are good that your friends and family have learned to accept them. With that being said, they’ll love you and think you look beautiful without going to great lengths to hide your tattoos.
Keep your preferences in mind as you begin to shop for a wedding gown. Do you plan on choosing a dress that will scoop down enough to show the butterfly on your breast? Or a tea-length gown that will show off the tatt on your ankle?
COVER UP
Even brides who adore their tattoos might feel that they are a bit out of place if the wedding is ultra-traditional. There are several options that will let you conceal the tattoo with makeup.
Regular makeup often lacks enough pigment to cover the tattoo effectively. Another downside of using regular makeup is the fact that it can easily slide off of the skin, revealing the tattoo beneath or – even worse – staining your dress.
Several specialized types of makeup are manufactured with the sole purpose of hiding tattoos. A quick search online will reveal many options.
Don’t wait until the morning of your wedding to break out the tattoo cover-up and give it a go. Instead, be sure to purchase the makeup in advance and set aside some time to play with it. A few hours on a Saturday with your bridesmaids will give you enough time to work with the product. It’s also a great way to get the point across to any tattooed bridesmaids that you would prefer to have all eyes on YOU during the ceremony and reception rather than on their tatts.
While some brands of makeup are made specifically for covering tattoos with a light touch, keep in mind that if several layers of makeup must be used to cover the ink, chances are high that the darkness of the makeup will be noticeable to your guests and might also appear darker in your photos.
CAMOUFLAGE
If playing with makeup doesn’t appeal to you, consider disguising your tattoos. This is also a great choice if you would like to downplay your tattoos during the ceremony and then let them shine when it’s time to party.
Camouflaging your tattoos could be as easy as choosing a dress with fabric strategically placed where it will fall over your tattoos. Wide straps or a high collar could cover a tattoo on your neck, shoulder, or chest. Long sleeves might cover the barbed wire around your upper arm or the tattoo on your wrist.
Another option would be to find something to wear over the bodice of your dress to make the tattoos less visible during the ceremony, and then take it off for the reception. Vintage clothing stores are a great place to look for something unique.
A wrap, like something worn with a formal gown, might be perfect for you. An elegant drape would nestle against your inner elbows and across your lower back, with a length of fabric falling toward the floor on each side. For a lighter version of this look, choose a meshy material such as tulle or something to match your veil. If you’ve got the personality to pull it off, a boa might even do the trick.
While many brides skip wearing a veil these days, such a headpiece brushing across your shoulders, or even down your back, could be all that is needed to make your ink discreet.
Whether widowed or divorced, these days women who are headed down the aisle for a second (or even a third) time don’t feel restrained by outdated etiquette and rituals of the past.
Just a few short years ago, second marriages were kept quiet. Brides wore street clothes such as a business suit or a simple dress rather than a gown. Guests, if any, were limited to close family members for the sake of having legal witnesses, or children from the couple’s previous marriages. The ceremony was often completed within minutes and held at the courthouse or in a minister’s office rather than in a church or an elegant venue. Flowers, music, special readings or verses, and receptions were out of the question, and wedding announcements – if they were sent at all – were sent after the couple was wed.
These days, most brides and grooms will have been married before. If you’ve fallen in love again and decided to give it another go, why hide or act like you’re ashamed to be committing yourself to someone?
Contrary to popular belief, the color white does not symbolize the bride’s virginity. Instead, it symbolizes joy. So if you feel joyful to have found love again and you desire to wear white, don’t let naysayers stand in your way.
Some repeat brides take advantage of the opportunity to really shake things up. If you followed each traditional to a T the first time around (or even if you didn’t), your new life with your new love might be the perfect chance to toss all conventions to the wind and do what you really, truly want to do. Express your love in the most unique ways you can think of. Break the rules and enjoy yourselves!
Do you look fabulous in red? Wear that scarlet evening gown you’ve got your eye on.
Are you in better shape now than you’ve ever been in your life? Show off your fabulous arms and svelte figure in an elegant evening gown – or even (gasp!) a backless gown.
If a traditional gown is what you’ve got your heart set on, don’t let anyone talk you out of this choice, either.
Another concern for encore brides is whether to wear a veil. Traditionally, a long veil behind the bride and a blusher veil over her face have been symbols of virginity. While some guests might drop their jaws if you walk down the aisle with your face hidden by a blusher veil, remember this is your wedding, not theirs. If that fairy-tale wedding gown you’ve got your eye on doesn’t look complete without a veil, then by all means, wear it.
Alternatives to a veil include a tiara, beaded or jeweled combs, a fabulous up ‘do, or wearing your hair loose and woven with Swarovski crystals attached to strategic strands.
Think of it as a lead-in to the wedding, two families getting to know each other better, toasts from the best man and maid of honor, and stories from those who have known the couple all their lives. It’s your rehearsal dinner, held the night before the wedding.
A rehearsal dinner should never outshine the wedding. It should be a time for people to get comfortable within themselves, relax and breathe. It’s about sentiment.
For the couple’s parents, especially with younger couples, the rehearsal dinner is like the Last Supper. It can be bittersweet, but it should basically be an intimate time of celebration. It’s also a great opportunity to begin to unite the families of the bride and groom.
No matter the budget for the event, the most important thing is to make it a nice way for people to be together, whether it’s a formal event or a picnic at the park. Whatever the hosts are comfortable in doing and whatever they can afford.
Traditionally, the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner, and it’s up to them to determine how large or small the event should be.
While it’s important to remember to include spouses or significant others of bridesmaids and groomsmen, decisions must be made about other guests. Along with your parents, of course, will the rehearsal dinner include grandparents, aunts and uncles, or godparents? Out-of-town family and friends are often invited to the rehearsal dinner, but should you invite everyone that traveled to your wedding or just the ones you’re closest to? Be sure to invite your officiant and his or her spouse or guest.
Consider inviting only those out-of-towners who are very close to the couple to the rehearsal dinner, while planning an activity for the out-of-town guests who aren’t invited to the rehearsal dinner. Let people know how to find other people at the wedding, anticipate their needs and suggest things to do if they’re not invited to the rehearsal dinner.
It isn’t necessary to plan entertainment for the rehearsal dinner.
Most likely, guests will stand up, offer their best wishes to the couple, and tell a brief story. It’s always fun to hear amusing bits and pieces of how your guests met your spouse-to-be or something they did when they were kids. It’s also a great way to begin forging relationships with people who are important to your new family.
You chose your bridesmaids because each one is special to you, right? Let each one know how much she means to you by avoiding impersonal, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all gifts.
Give each person something sentimental that they’ll treasure forever.
Gifts can range from a business card holder with their name engraved to a spa retreat.
Other great choices? How about a picture frame engraved with the date of the wedding (tuck in a photo of the bride and bridesmaid later), a makeup bag or a Mont Blanc pen.
Younger members of the wedding party will be delighted with gift certificates to their favorite toy store. In fact, gift certificates are always a good choice.
Another option is for the bride to foot the bill for the attendants’ jewelry or clothes, or all the little essentials. If you’re going to insist each person look a certain way, provide their special earrings or whatever unifying object you desire.
Traditional attendant gifts aren’t always the best choices. Some girls have become frequent bridesmaids. How many silver plated bobbles does someone really want to have around to polish? Not everyone needs – or wants – an engraved flask, an engraved purse mirror or a silver bookmark.
Take time and think about the personality of each one of your bridesmaids and groomsmen, and then purchase something within the same price range for each one of them. The gifts will be more meaningful if each person’s gift is unique to him or her. Wrap them all in the same (or similar) paper, but make each personal.
To make your bridesmaids’ presents even more meaningful, include a handwritten note inside. Give each young lady a jewelry box to complement her bedroom color scheme. Inside, let each find a handwritten note describing your favorite memory of time spent with her and how much you value her friendship.
A week before the wedding, treat your maids to a leisurely lunch at a tearoom or your favorite restaurant. Tell them how much you appreciate them standing up for you, and their willingness to help with pre-wedding tasks. This is the perfect opportunity to give each one their gift.
Or wait until the rehearsal dinner and present their gifts while telling stories of how you met or something you shared in childhood. Just by sharing something special about each attendant with your friends and family, it will help your families get to know your attendants and help your good friends feel accepted into your new family.
By taking just a few extra steps, you can easily ensure that your guests have a memorable time at your wedding reception.
When you arrive at the reception site, let your entire wedding party take their places at the head table. Traditionally, the bride and groom, their parents and attendants sit at a long, lavish table facing the guests. Begin the reception by taking your seats to enjoy some food and then cut the cake. After that, it’s time for the newlyweds and parents to work the room as separate couples.
MINGLE
Move around and see people, giving each guest some personal time. You’ll have the best experience if you and your new husband remain together as you mingle. That way, you can introduce each other to relatives and friends that your spouse may not yet have met. Plus, your guests want to say hello to both of you, not just one of you.
ACCESS TO EVERYONE
Another option, rather than going from table to table, is for you and your new spouse to stand in a spot that’s easily accessible to everyone at the party. For example, you could position yourself on the dance floor or in front of the bridal party table. Don’t block doorways or stand in the corner; this will only create havoc and result in guests missing their opportunity to speak with you.
DINNER SEATING
During dinner, small talk may be less awkward for your guests based on how you have chosen to handle seating arrangements. If you’re allowing guests to choose their own seats, they have the option of sitting next to someone they’re already acquainted with for comfortable conversations, or they can enjoy meeting someone new.
If part of your wedding planning will include toiling for months, creating a floor plan of the room, then be sure to consider personality types and how guests might get along with others, and then meticulously assign them to specific tables.
Keep in mind eight to 10 people can sit comfortably at each table. Just be careful to anticipate guests’ needs – don’t sit Great-Aunt Harriet right next to the DJ’s biggest speakers.
CONVERSATION STARTERS
One way to break the ice at your guests’ tables – and add your own personalities to the affair – is to throw away table numbers and name the tables. Give them names with meaning to you and your fiancé. Perhaps the characters from the movie you saw on your first date or landmarks from the alma mater you share.
GRATITUDE
As you visit with your guests, it’s important is to let them know you’re glad they are a part of the day. These people have come at your invitation, with many of them rescheduling their work and traveling a distance, and it’s your obligation, as hosts, to make sure that they each get their fair share of time.
OK, you’ve got the perfect man, perfect ring, perfect dress and perfect date. Now make sure you get perfect gifts.
Most couples just starting out are no longer just starting out. They aren’t leaving their parents’ homes or a dorm room to make a new home with mismatched hand-me-downs. The average couple is older now – she’s 27 and he’s 29 – and enjoying better education and career opportunities than brides and grooms in the past.
Those who are truly just starting out might register for everything from apple corers to VCRs, but what about couples who already have it all? They’re upgrading to new models of their old favorites or registering for unusual items, like honeymoon packages or big screen TVs.
So before you drag your beloved off to play laser tag with a store’s hand-held scanner guns, take stock of what you have, what you want and what you need. Arriving at the store prepared might save you from leaving frustrated or angry with each other.
Register for both expensive and inexpensive items, giving friends the opportunity to choose something you’ll love, no matter their budget.
Should you register at only one store?
Sticking with one store may seem easiest, but then you don’t have as many varieties. If your heart is set on china from one store but you found the perfect crystal elsewhere, why turn your back on one?
Don’t forget to make gift buying easier for your loved ones by registering online. Many stores upload your gift registry to their web site, which makes life easier for friends and relatives that live across the country or are unable to attend the ceremony.
During the registration process, don’t feel obligated to choose one of everything in each category. If you’re a tomboy at heart and can’t imagine serving guests on delicate china with dainty rosebuds, skip it and choose dishes that reflect your sense of style.
Do you have room for it? If there isn’t room for 12 place settings of formal china, crystal and silver packed away in your one-bedroom apartment while you finish grad school, you have two options. Either don’t register for it or make arrangements to leave it in Mom and Dad’s attic until you get settled.
Many stores leave your bridal registry file active for a year or more after your wedding date, giving busy or forgetful friends that couldn’t make it a chance to send a gift later. Be sure to ask about such policies when you register. It’s also wise to ask about your store’s return/exchange policy, just in case you change your mind – about the gift, not the wedding.
Long ago, the wedding party surrounded the bride and groom to ward off evil spirits as guests wished them well. These days, the wedding party – along with the parents of the bride and groom – gather into a receiving line is a way to greet your wedding guests. After all, they’ve taken the time to witness your vows. Make sure they realize you appreciate seeing them.
The most common way to form a receiving line?
Immediately after being pronounced husband and wife, you and your new spouse march down the aisle with attendants in tow, and everyone takes their place in the foyer or outside, if weather permits. Parents of the couple should be the first of the congregation to exit the church, congratulate the couple and join the lineup.
A receiving line is usually formed with the bride and groom in the middle and parents on either side. Place the groom’s parents next to the groom, and the bride’s parents next to the bride.
Next, position the groomsmen on the groom’s side, and the bridesmaids on the bride’s side. By this time, the ushers will be ready to begin dismissing guests, pew by pew, beginning with the pews closest to the front of the church.
However, about 85% of weddings skip this tradition because guests get upset standing in a long receiving line, and also because today’s couples prefer to greet everyone in a different way.
Instead of the traditional receiving line, the bride and groom do the job of the ushers and dismiss guests from the church. The couple turns to face the congregation and marches down the aisle following the ceremony, taking a moment with their parents once they are ushered out, and then the couple returns to the front of the church. As each row of guests is dismissed from their pew, the newlyweds greet them. Begin with the front row on the bride’s side of the church, and then alternate back and forth until you reach the last pews.
What should you say to your guests as you greet each one?
A simple “Hello” is a great way to get started. Thank you guests for coming. Introduce them to your spouse or your parents.
How much time should you estimate for spending in the receiving line? As long as you keep the greetings short and sweet, you should budget 30 minutes for every 100 guests.
Whether you choose a traditional receiving line or greeting each pew as it is dismissed, it’s important to take the time to acknowledge each guest, thank them for coming, and give them a chance to feel like they were a vital part of your wedding day.
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