If you have children, making the decision to marry or remarry affects their lives as much as yours. Your wedding day is the perfect opportunity to help your kids make the transition into this new blended family, no matter what their age.
Make sure your kids feel included from the start by beginning long before the wedding day itself. Younger children might help you stuff and mail the invitations, while older kids could use their confidence on the computer to keep your guest list and RSVPs organized in a spreadsheet or creating your wedding programs.
Let your kids have a say in what they will wear to the rehearsal dinner and wedding – within reason, of course. If your child insists on wearing cowboy boots and a superhero costume every day of the week, this might be a challenge. But, if your child understands the level of formality you and your fiancé have chosen for the event and you express your enthusiasm over the color or style of clothing, go ahead and let your child loose within those limitations and encourage their creativity as far as accessories he or she might wear such as a miniature bouquet or boutonnière, headband or earrings, a pillow or some other way to carry the rings, etc.
There are numerous tasks that your kids can handle during the wedding and feel as though they are playing an important role.
1. Flower girl or ring bearer – Usually between the ages of 4 to 7.
2. Attendants — Junior bridesmaids or junior groomsmen are usually between the ages of 8 to 12, while older children may act as a maid or honor or best man.
3. Ushers to seat guests
4. Pass out something to the guests, whether it be the wedding programs, favors, bubbles or birdseed
5. Guest book or gift table duty
6. Roving photographer or videographer
7. Vocal or instrumental soloist
8. Read scripture or poetry during the ceremony
9. Add vows for you and your new spouse to express to the children during the ceremony.
10. Include the kids in lighting a unity candle or family candle, a prayer or a blessing during the wedding.
11. Present each child with a symbolic piece of jewelry such as a charm or medallion to represent your love and devotion during this time of growth and change.
12. Include your children in the first dance ritual at the reception by encouraging them to join you and your new spouse during the second verse or in a special song following your first dance.
13. Instead of a groom’s cake, let your kids choose the design and style of a cake for the reception.
What if your fiancé has children, but you don’t? Including his family in your wedding is still a great way to encourage a smooth transition into this new stage of your lives. This can be a little tricky depending on the atmosphere and any challenges that might exist such as whether you may have already met his kids and started to form a relationship with them prior to the wedding or if his ex harbors resentment toward your happiness. Discuss the possibilities with your husband-to-be in advance of the wedding, with plenty of time to discover the best way to ask the children to be involved.
If your children are grown and have families of their own, think about using some of these ideas to make sure your grandchildren feel included in your day.
What’s hot for weddings in 2009?
DRESSES
1. Gray is the “it” color for wedding apparel this year, with fabrics ranging from silver-gray to lavender-tinged gray to deep, dark steel gray. Gray looks great with yellow or pink, and it’s striking with a deep purple.
2. Pink continues its comeback in 2009, with shades of it showing up on details within the bride’s dress, in large splashes on bridesmaids’ gowns and in bouquets.
3. Chocolate brown, so popular last year, remains high on the color wheel of choices for brides in 2009.
If you’re intrigued by the idea of gray, pink or chocolate, but not sure about accent colors, take a tried-and-true hint from interior designers. Visit the paint department of your favorite home improvement store and collect strips of paint chips. Take them home, arrange them, and rearrange them. You’ll soon find your favorites emerging as you ponder the possibilities.
CAKES
4. Influenced by elaborate cake decorating challenges on cable TV shows, we’re seeing more and more asymmetrical wedding cakes. These askew masterpieces are often quite colorful, which is another trend we’re seeing plenty of in 2009 – fewer white-on-white wedding cakes.
5. For a trendy reception, brides are taking a cue from the recent return of the cupcake fad. Cupcakes situated on a tower continues to be a popular option, but the new trick is to order cupcakes in geometric shapes instead of the expected round.
6. If you desire a more traditional wedding cake rather than cupcakes, the geometric-shaped trend carries over into larger layers, as well. Square-shaped or hexagonal-shaped layers are popular this year, and stacking the layers can create a unique, eye-catching look.
7. Monochrome cakes still have their place, especially when the bride opts for the ever-popular black-and-white wedding theme. While black icing in moderation can be quite striking against a stark white cake, some brides step it up a few notches with intricate lacey details and splashes of black on their cakes.
FOOD
8. Sample stations have emerged as a popular alternative to a sit-down dinner or buffet.
9. Wine and cheese pairings, champagne bars, coffee, and dessert stations are popping up at receptions from coast to coast. Other options include potato bars with plenty of toppings, sushi, seafood, and Tex-Mex stations.
Sample stations can be a very considerate way to pamper your guests who may have special dietary needs. How about a selection for diabetics, vegetarians, or those with specific food allergies?
Multi-cultural couples also use food stations as a way to introduce their unique cultures to each other and to their guests.
LIGHTING
10. On the wall or on the dance floor, projecting your names or initials in light against a surface can be a striking addition to your reception décor.
Choose a traditional-looking monogram with the bride’s initial on the left, the groom’s initial on the right, and the initial for the groom’s last name in the center. Or, if the bride is keeping her own name, go with your first names or initials. Another option is to have a graphic designer create your own custom logo, incorporating something sentimental from your courtship with your names or initials. Whether you realized you were meant for each other while high at the Eiffel Tower or on a Ferris wheel, little details like this can be fabulous touches for your ceremony and reception.
Check with your DJ to see if they have the equipment needed to reflect your initials or logo at the reception.
GREEN WEDDINGS
With concern for our earth growing, it’s easy to make subtle changes to make sure your wedding has less of an impact on the environment.
11. Minimize the amount of driving for your guests by holding the ceremony and reception in one spot. Sometimes this just isn’t possible. For example, your church won’t allow you to have a champagne toast or an open bar at your reception. In that case, choose a reception site that doesn’t require guests to drive to another town.
12. Recycled paper for wedding invitations is another easy way to go green. Or, take that a step farther and use one of the many beautiful papers with seeds embedded, and ask recipients to plant them and enjoy the flowers in their yards.
Other ways to go green include wearing a vintage gown, choosing organic or homegrown flowers, beeswax or soy-based candles, and tossing biodegradable confetti as the couple makes their getaway.
Today’s brides and bridesmaids may face a wedding-day challenge that their mothers and grandmothers weren’t able to solve simply with something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue. With the popularity of tattoos, some brides and their bridesmaids must decide what – if anything – they’ll do with their body art as they get dressed to walk down the aisle.
There is no need to panic or look into something as drastic as tattoo removal. Instead, you might consider letting them shine, covering them up or camouflaging your tattoos.
LEAVE THEM ON DISPLAY
Do you feel strongly about your tattoo and what it represents? If you consider your body art to be a beautiful part of you rather than a memory of a drunken mistake that you try to hide, then you probably aren’t interested in covering them up on your wedding day.
If your tattoos mean that much to you, chances are good that your friends and family have learned to accept them. With that being said, they’ll love you and think you look beautiful without going to great lengths to hide your tattoos.
Keep your preferences in mind as you begin to shop for a wedding gown. Do you plan on choosing a dress that will scoop down enough to show the butterfly on your breast? Or a tea-length gown that will show off the tatt on your ankle?
COVER UP
Even brides who adore their tattoos might feel that they are a bit out of place if the wedding is ultra-traditional. There are several options that will let you conceal the tattoo with makeup.
Regular makeup often lacks enough pigment to cover the tattoo effectively. Another downside of using regular makeup is the fact that it can easily slide off of the skin, revealing the tattoo beneath or – even worse – staining your dress.
Several specialized types of makeup are manufactured with the sole purpose of hiding tattoos. A quick search online will reveal many options.
Don’t wait until the morning of your wedding to break out the tattoo cover-up and give it a go. Instead, be sure to purchase the makeup in advance and set aside some time to play with it. A few hours on a Saturday with your bridesmaids will give you enough time to work with the product. It’s also a great way to get the point across to any tattooed bridesmaids that you would prefer to have all eyes on YOU during the ceremony and reception rather than on their tatts.
While some brands of makeup are made specifically for covering tattoos with a light touch, keep in mind that if several layers of makeup must be used to cover the ink, chances are high that the darkness of the makeup will be noticeable to your guests and might also appear darker in your photos.
CAMOUFLAGE
If playing with makeup doesn’t appeal to you, consider disguising your tattoos. This is also a great choice if you would like to downplay your tattoos during the ceremony and then let them shine when it’s time to party.
Camouflaging your tattoos could be as easy as choosing a dress with fabric strategically placed where it will fall over your tattoos. Wide straps or a high collar could cover a tattoo on your neck, shoulder, or chest. Long sleeves might cover the barbed wire around your upper arm or the tattoo on your wrist.
Another option would be to find something to wear over the bodice of your dress to make the tattoos less visible during the ceremony, and then take it off for the reception. Vintage clothing stores are a great place to look for something unique.
A wrap, like something worn with a formal gown, might be perfect for you. An elegant drape would nestle against your inner elbows and across your lower back, with a length of fabric falling toward the floor on each side. For a lighter version of this look, choose a meshy material such as tulle or something to match your veil. If you’ve got the personality to pull it off, a boa might even do the trick.
While many brides skip wearing a veil these days, such a headpiece brushing across your shoulders, or even down your back, could be all that is needed to make your ink discreet.
Whether widowed or divorced, these days women who are headed down the aisle for a second (or even a third) time don’t feel restrained by outdated etiquette and rituals of the past.
Just a few short years ago, second marriages were kept quiet. Brides wore street clothes such as a business suit or a simple dress rather than a gown. Guests, if any, were limited to close family members for the sake of having legal witnesses, or children from the couple’s previous marriages. The ceremony was often completed within minutes and held at the courthouse or in a minister’s office rather than in a church or an elegant venue. Flowers, music, special readings or verses, and receptions were out of the question, and wedding announcements – if they were sent at all – were sent after the couple was wed.
These days, most brides and grooms will have been married before. If you’ve fallen in love again and decided to give it another go, why hide or act like you’re ashamed to be committing yourself to someone?
Contrary to popular belief, the color white does not symbolize the bride’s virginity. Instead, it symbolizes joy. So if you feel joyful to have found love again and you desire to wear white, don’t let naysayers stand in your way.
Some repeat brides take advantage of the opportunity to really shake things up. If you followed each traditional to a T the first time around (or even if you didn’t), your new life with your new love might be the perfect chance to toss all conventions to the wind and do what you really, truly want to do. Express your love in the most unique ways you can think of. Break the rules and enjoy yourselves!
Do you look fabulous in red? Wear that scarlet evening gown you’ve got your eye on.
Are you in better shape now than you’ve ever been in your life? Show off your fabulous arms and svelte figure in an elegant evening gown – or even (gasp!) a backless gown.
If a traditional gown is what you’ve got your heart set on, don’t let anyone talk you out of this choice, either.
Another concern for encore brides is whether to wear a veil. Traditionally, a long veil behind the bride and a blusher veil over her face have been symbols of virginity. While some guests might drop their jaws if you walk down the aisle with your face hidden by a blusher veil, remember this is your wedding, not theirs. If that fairy-tale wedding gown you’ve got your eye on doesn’t look complete without a veil, then by all means, wear it.
Alternatives to a veil include a tiara, beaded or jeweled combs, a fabulous up ‘do, or wearing your hair loose and woven with Swarovski crystals attached to strategic strands.
With more than 50 percent of today’s marriages involving a bride or groom who have been married before, social attitudes regarding what’s appropriate in the wedding ceremony have evolved over the years.
In the past, it was common to keep a remarriage quiet. Since a previous marriage had to have failed in order for this new couple to be ready to wed, that failure often overshadowed the joy of finding love again.
Attitudes have changed so much, in fact, that the word “remarriage” is rarely used today. In the past, couples quietly stated that they were going to remarry. Today, the couple happily announces their intentions to marry without the prefix of “re,” indicating that they are going into the union with an attitude of making this union its own being rather than a repeat event.
Second weddings (or even third weddings, for that matter) now range from quiet ceremonies in a chapel or courtroom to celebrations with as much pomp as many first-time weddings.
However, some feel it’s necessary to hold on to at least a few traditions and customs. Etiquette, after all, still exists and rare is the wedding that goes off without a hitch. Knowing how to handle any dilemmas that might pop up is wise for all brides.
Second-time couples are usually older and wiser than their first-time counterparts. More of the ceremony, reception and honeymoon decisions will be theirs, since they are often paying for everything, rather than those decisions lying with family members who are footing the bill.
Sophistication is often the name of the game with today’s remarrying couples. Along with becoming older and wiser, the couple has a better idea of who they are, both individually and as a couple. Let that confidence show in the tasteful, classic choices that you make rather than being swayed by ultra-trendy (or even downright tacky) choices made by younger couples. As an example, an older bride knows her body and has a sense of style. She’ll be less tempted to choose a type of gown that will guarantee her wedding photos will be forwarded in emails that result in gasps or laughter.
Most second weddings are less formal than a first wedding, but that doesn’t mean they are less lovely. While a large, hoop skirt with long train and seven bridesmaids reeks of first-time, fairytale bride, an encore bride might take advantage of her confidence by wearing something that announces her sophistication and maturity. One attendant is more appropriate than your entire pack of sorority sisters, as well.
The guest list for an encore ceremony can still include all of your extended family and everyone you’ve ever met. However, most couples prefer to scale things down a bit and concentrate on inviting those who would be considered the most important people in your lives.
Children from your previous marriages, of course, will attend this wedding. If they’re old enough to stand up for you as a legal witness, and if that’s what you desire, by all means go ahead with this plan. If your children are too young to be witnesses, there’s no reason for them to sit in the audience and watch. They can still stand up with you, as bridesmaids and groomsmen, junior bridesmaids or groomsmen, or they can stand with you for a special ceremony to bless your new family unit.
Will you be given away at your second wedding? Some say this tradition would be awkward since the one who would need to give the bride to her new spouse, at this point, would be her former spouse. However, there is a school of thought that frowns up on this theory since it would imply the antiquated view that the woman bounced from being under the wing of her father, to her first husband, and now to her second husband. With women being more independent these days and making their own way in the world, it’s her choice whether she’ll be given away.
March down the aisle on your own, have your father or step-father accompany you, or have your oldest child walk you down the aisle.
Nerves can run high when love is in the air.
What do the experts suggest to stay calm and bask in the spotlight?
Have everything ready to go at least one week prior – a precise schedule of the day’s events including what time wedding party members should arrive at the church, a practice session applying your new makeup shades, an emergency kit with essentials (needle, thread, pantyhose, makeup, aspirin, tampons, contact lens solution, telephone numbers to reach all of your wedding vendors). Don’t wait until the last minute to get anything waxed, plucked, colored, permed or straightened.
Delegate! Bridesmaids aren’t just eye candy. Make them earn that poufy dress. Traditionally, it’s the maid of honor’s job to act as the bride’s right arm. She should make sure the bride gets to bed early the night before, drinks plenty of water all day so she doesn’t dehydrate, and help the bride slip her into her gown. Don’t forget — one of the most important duties of the MOH is to make sure the bride eats a light breakfast to avoid nuptial nausea.
Brides spend so much time planning the perfect day that they often have trouble relaxing and letting go when it finally arrives. You’ve dreamed of this day for years, so enjoy it. Don’t micromanage every detail.
Trusting a wedding coordinator to handle the fine details can help the day run as smoothly as possible. They’re more affordable than you might think, especially when you consider the time they’ll save and the stress they’ll prevent. If a pro is out of your budget, ask a friend or relative to act as coordinator. It needs to be someone other than the bride’s mother so she can enjoy the day, as well.
The day wouldn’t be complete without one or two little mishaps. What if your flower girl’s little sister trots behind her, diligently picking up petals as fast as they fall? What if the best man drops your carats, sending guests hunting beneath pews? Or you both get the giggles? Enjoy it! Remind yourself these are the moments that will bring smiles to your grandkids’ faces someday, when they ask to hear the fairy tale story of your wedding day.
What’s the best way to conquer the jitters?
Apprehension turns to adoration with a simple solution that’s growing in popularity. When the couple is dressed and ready to go (but the guests haven’t begun to arrive), have someone park the groom in the chapel, while someone else fluff the bride’s train, and then instruct him to turn and greet his bride. Close the door, leaving the two to spend a few minutes together before the guests arrive.
This private time before the ceremony gives the couple a chance to calm their nerves, leaving them free to enjoy the day more deeply.
One memorable (and macho) groom resisted at first, but agreed to meet his bride before the ceremony. Following 10 minutes with his bride-to-be, he was unashamed of his tears. “It’s such a private moment. Why would I want to share that with 400 people?” he said.
Worried it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony?
“It’s not about luck,” Macho Groom said, dabbing more tears. “It’s about faith.”
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